If it is true that fathers are made and not born, then the table below provides a guide on how fathers can complement the roles of mothers.
Who does what is a balancing act that works well with practice and understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of the two parts to the whole. The faster the pace of life, the more skilful one needs to be. Helping the child to look up to both parents in an environment of trust and love needs patience and practice as both parents juggle with the accelerating demands of life. Hence, one cannot emphasise enough the importance of a stable and mature relationship between parents to orchestrate a seamless flow between partners as they deal with issues related to raising their child.
It is no longer “whose fault is it?” but “how can I manage this better the next time round?” and “who can do it better?”. There are undeniably gender differences but roles are not specific to gender but specific to persons and differ from person to person. Understanding your wife will give you the leverage to enlist her strengths in areas where you either lack competence or aptitude. Your child will eventually know who to consult for differing needs in a non-toxic environment and not be confused by whose decision is better.
How Fathers Can Complement the Roles of Mothers
(This list is not exhaustive):
We often refer to our spouse as our better half. This attitude of respect honours your wife and signals to your child that you love his mother. Because you love and respect his mother, he is confident that he can also count on your love for him to provide him with a cushion against the harshness of life until he too builds the resilience and capacity to manage stress on his own.
Note: Published with permission from So You Want to Be a Father!, authored by Maureen Ng B.L.
About The Author: Mrs Maureen Ng, vice Chairman of Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre (EMCC), is happily married with twin adult daughters and four young grandchildren. Having a supportive husband was how she managed the daily challenges as a young busy mother of twins at the age of 24. Her rich experience in counselling youths at risk during her six-year tenure as principal of a junior college gave her deep insights into the importance of good fathering in shaping and impacting a child’s life during their early years.
EMCC is a not-for-profit organisation that is committed towards building a society that fosters and maintains positive and supportive relationships through the promulgation of peacemaking. Established in 1997, EMCC became a full member of the National Council of Social Service (NCSS) in 2000 and is today an approved Institute of Public Character (IPC). It is the only charity in Singapore with the expertise to provide integrative services in mediation and counselling.
Please contact EMCC if you are interested in complimentary copies of the booklet So You Want To Be A Father!
Tel: 6788 8220
First published on 29-04-2011.
Categories: Ages and Stages